The Feasibility of Flying to France for Free

So you've read up on the Credit Card Game and the Points/Miles Game. You've read about the pitfalls and and you've decided it works for you. So where to begin? Today we'll discuss airfare. My situation will be specific to United Airlines, but in general the process is similar for every airline.

1. What's your travel goal? A trip to Europe? A week at the beach? Disney World? It's better to have something specific in mind, lest you end up with points and no reason to use them.

I want to take my three big kids to Europe this summer. My parents are celebrating their 50th anniversary and have rented a house in France for a week. It's going to be great, and then for a few days after I want to show them around Spain, or Germany, where I lived from 2002-06. My credit cards and loyalty programs are going to work for me:

1. Airfare. We are flying on United using miles, and will pay only the taxes ($25-50 each way per person). We'll also have one free trip within Europe thanks to United's intriguing Excursionist Perk.

2. Lodging. I don't know where we will stay yet, but I have sufficient point balances with IHG, Hilton, and Marriott to get free nights, thanks to credit cards and hotel bonus point promotions.

3. Free meals and comfort in transit. At every airport, we will have one or more lounge options. I'll leverage my airline status for more comfortable seats, with the potential for an upgrade to business class.

1. The United MileagePlus Explorer Card offers a 50,000-mile bonus for new applicants who use the card to spend $3,000 within three months, and an extra 5,000 miles if you add an authorized user. I got mine in summer 2016 when the bonus was a bit higher, and I've since earned more miles through shopping, dining, and even flights (the cool kids say flying is the hardest way to earn frequent flyer miles). So I've got about 110,000 miles right now, plus 95,000 Chase Ultimate Rewards Points that I've earned. I can swap Chase UR points 1-for-1 for United Miles, so that puts me at 205,000.

Let's do the math:
- Economy Saver flights are 30,000 one way to Europe; 60,000 miles roundtrip, plus $50-100 taxes.
- 60,000 x 4 (me and 3 kids) = 240,000 miles plus $200-400 in taxes.

I was still about 35,000 miles short, so my wife just got the Chase Sapphire Preferred, which has a 50,000-point bonus. She will transfer those points to me, and then our flights are covered.

There are three major airlines in the US. Each airline has a relationship and 2-4 credit cards each with one of the three major credit card issuers (major as far as credit card enthusiasts are concerned). Decide which airline works best for you, and if air travel is your goal, look at your card options and pick one. My friend wanted to go to France this spring, so he got the American Express Delta Platinum with its 70,000 mile bonus, and just booked a roundtrip flight to Paris for 55,000 miles + tax.

Below is how the card issuers and airlines match up, with the premium "flexible points" card in parentheses which enables you to exchange that credit card's points for that airline's miles. Barclaycard also issues at least one American Airlines-branded card, and the smaller airlines like Southwest, JetBlue, and Alaska also have credit card options.

Chase = United (Chase Sapphire Reserve)
American Express = Delta (American Express Platinum)
Citibank = American (Citi ThankYou Premier)

As I've written before, American Airlines (AA) is a blind spot for me. I know a little about Delta, and a lot about United. If American is your airline of choice, do your research, but in general the experience and benefits will be similar.

One great benefit of the United card is "expanded availability"- this means United saves seats for cardholders that non-cardholders cannot book. So while others might see 2 flight options from, say, Washington Dulles to Paris, I may see 4 options. Other benefits include one free checked bag, priority boarding (i.e. more overhead space when you get on the plane). That makes it well worth the $95 annual fee.

The Overdose Soundtrack of my Life

"Lord, make me middle-class and anonymous."

This is one of the things for which I actually pray. If people still made mix tapes, you could make an excellent mix tape of music by people who have died in this millennium by drug overdose. Below are my favorite songs from the more famous members of this grim club.

Side A: 2000s overdoses
"Would?" by Alice in Chains- Layne Staley (also Mike Starr)
"Punk Rock Girl" by the Dead Milkmen- Dave Schulthise
"Unchained Melody" by the Righteous Brothers- Bobby Hatfield
"Will You Be There" by Michael Jackson
"See You Around" by Vic Chesnutt

Side B: 2010s overdoses
"Big Empty" by Stone Temple Pilots- Scott Weiland
"Heaven" by Warrant- Jani Lane
"Purple Rain" by Prince
"Echo" by Tom Petty (also Howie Epstein of the Heartbreakers)
"Daffodil Lament" by The Cranberries- Dolores O'Riordan
"I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston

I love all these songs. I didn't realize some of these people had even died, like the Righteous Brother and Jani Lane. Each of the tracks above is on the soundtrack for a time in my life, or a person, or some defining event.

I am assuming with the angelic-voiced Dolores O'Riordan that it was either suicide or a drug overdose. I find that when no details are given, the cause of death is usually one of the two. Since she died, I have been listening to her albums and watching videos of Cranberries performances. In 2007, I had the good fortune to attend a solo concert in a small venue in Charlottesville. Dolores was small, Irish, feisty, and a total superstar. The charisma radiated off of her. I thoroughly enjoyed the show and left there in awe.

When I was 18 and new to the Army, I spent March 1995 in a one-month rotation at the National Training Center in Ft. Irwin, California. Remember when you could only fit so many cassettes- then CDs- in your luggage, your car, your backpack? "No Need to Argue" was one of the handful of cassettes I brought along. I remember like it was yesterday listening to that album as I lay in my sleeping bag on the floor of a clamshell helicopter hangar. That voice!

I listened extensively to the Vic Chesnutt album "About to Choke," containing the song "See You Around" in 1997, right at the time my high school friend Alec Vitarius collapsed and died from a brain aneurysm while working in the kitchen of his father's restaurant. That spring, I had stopped at Alec's college, looked him up and called him, then spent a memorable afternoon catching up and playing guitar. Two months later, just before reporting to West Point for the first time, I was on a trip to Germany with a friend when I heard Alec had died.

Alec was optimistic, ambitious, and unfailingly kind and friendly to everyone. Virtually our entire high school class attended his funeral. He loved sports, but the condition which led to his early death limited him to being a spectator. He loved baseball and the Yankees. In middle school, we were in the gifted program together and with our friends Antoinette, Kathleen, Scott, and others whose names I'm sure a glance at my yearbook would bring back in a flash, we had laughs in various creative pursuits. We sang "Puff the Magic Dragon" as a duet for a play tryout, adding doo-wop flourishes in the chorus. He got the part, I think it was "Man of La Mancha." We both had key roles in a different 7th (or 6th) grade play, and I remember the words to his songs better than my own. I remember those times, nearly 30 years ago, pretty vividly. Alec's mother Sharon had died of cancer a few years before him. After Alec passed, his father closed the family restaurant and moved away with his brother and sister.

At the funeral, I told his father "Alec was a good friend." "He still is a good friend," his dad replied, wanting me to keep a dead friend in the present tense. And he was right. Alec is a good friend. His optimism and academic curiosity set an example for me that helped me in college. He is a good friend. Like everyone we lose, I carry him with me as a memory and a blueprint of a life well lived. I have tried to be like Alec, and do things he didn't get to. And when Vic Chesnutt warbles the line "I'll see you around" over and over, I'm 20 years old again and listening to that song on the night I learned he died.

Such is the power of music and memory. I can go months without hearing those songs or having their attendant memories. But they're always in my head.

I sometimes scoff at the outpouring of grief at a rock star's death. "So what?" I say. "Their music is still there and their best years were behind them, anyway." Lately, though, I get it. These tormented souls made major contributions to the soundtracks of our lives. Their emotions become ours. "[O]ne must still have chaos within oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star," Nietzsche wrote. The dancing stars are Michael Jackson songs, are Van Gogh paintings, Marlon Brando performances.

I don't have a conclusion, just a rumination on the perfectly legal opioids which killed many of these great singers. I had knee surgery in 2014. When I read the litany of potential side effects with the bottle of Hydrocodone the surgeon prescribed me, I decided that the devil I knew, "knee pain," was the better alternative. I don't know what physical, mental, or spiritual ailments drove these creative people to turn to drugs, but I am thankful my cross doesn't include them. I pray for the deceased, and I pray for you, dear friends. May you carry your own burdens with grace, and know that I love you, that many others love you, and that there is happiness and peace in your future.

"I do believe I'm getting old enough

To believe in better things."  

-Matt Keating

(who is alive and well)

What's in my Wallet?

So, credit cards can be a great way to get free travel, although they do have some downsides.

"Ok, Fox, what's in your wallet?" you ask in your Samuel L. Jackson or Jennifer Garner voice. Below is an inventory of the plastic (and metal!) I'm carryin' around right now, just like a rowdy credit card-totin' cowboy who just rolled into town and is lookin' to mix things up.

If you'd only killed him here, Sydney, he wouldn't have been able to ruin Batman, too. And y'all's marriage.

In my wallet

1. Chase Sapphire Reserve (CSR). I use this whenever I eat out (i.e. a lot) because it earns 3 points for every $1 spent on restaurants and travel (hotels, airfare, Uber, airport parking). When used as cash, each Chase Ultimate Reward (UR)  point is worth 1.5 cents. Due to math, 3 x 1.5 = 4.5; in other words, every dollar spent on lunch is worth 4.5 cents I can use toward airfare or hotels. $150 effective annual fee ($450 annual fee with $300 travel credit). Current bonus is 50,000 Chase UR points (worth $750. Got it? In addition to a host of other benefits you may or may not need, CSR also gets you a Priority Pass Lounge card for airport lounges. More details here.

2. American Express Blue Cash Preferred. Mrs. Fox carries this, actually. It earns a ridiculous 6% cash back at grocery stores (on up to $6,000 per year, then 1% after). 3% back at gas stations and select department stores (yes, they still have those), and 1% everywhere else. $95 annual fee, and this offer gets you $250 cash back after you spend $1,000 in the first three months.

3. *I am going to downgrade this card to the no-fee Hilton Honors card, which is 90% as good for my purposes. If it's your only card and you don't already have Hilton Gold status, its other benefits make it worth consideration: Hilton Honors Ascend. I commute 170 miles per day. I drive a Prius, but I still buy a lot of gas. 6 Hilton Points for every $1 on gas, as well as supermarkets and restaurants, but I only use mine for gas and miscellaneous (3 points per $1) as CSR and Blue Cash are better options for restaurants and groceries, respectively. It earns 12 Hilton points per $1 at any of Hilton's hotels. For reference, 20-30k Hilton points will get you a free night. Annual fee is $95, currently with a 75,000 bonus (spend $2k within 3 months) with potential for another 25,000 when you spend an additional $1,000 within six months of the card's opening.

4. Chase Sapphire Preferred (CSP). This is CSR's little cousin. It's similar to the CSR, but earns 2 points instead of 3 on travel categories. One person can't have both of Chase's premium Sapphire cards; you have to pick one, so this is Mrs. Fox's. She uses it at restaurants for 2 Chase UR points per $1 spent. Redemptions in the Chase Travel Portal are at 1.25 cents per UR point, but she can transfer her points to me and I'll get 1.5 cents per point. We just used this to pay for kid #3's braces: minimum spending taken care of in one fell swoop! Mrs. Fox is very helpful with meeting credit card minimum spending requirements, bless her! The annual fee is $95 but waived the first year with this offer. Like CSR, you currently get 50,000 UR points (worth $625) when you spend $4,000 in the first three months.

5. Mrs. Fox also has a USAA cash back card that gets 1.5% cash back on everything. It's good for miscellaneous purchases like new tires, TJ Maxx and, uh, LuLaRoe. Lots of that. In select states, USAA has a sweet-looking 2.5% unlimited cash back card. Not in my state, unfortunately.

In a drawer

Many of these cards provide benefits for having the account, like priority boarding, a free checked bag, and various hotel status/perks. I don't necessarily need to use them because whatever I'm buying, the cards that are in my wallet earn more points/miles/cashback. Will discuss each in more detail in forthcoming posts. These have links, some of which give me bonus points if you sign up using my links.

6. American Express Platinum. Like my inner party animal, this card only comes out when I travel.

7. Chase Marriott Rewards Visa. Got the points, no need to use it now. Mrs. Fox has one too, which I will cancel soon. $85 annual fee and a free night every year after Year One.

8. Chase IHG Rewards Club MasterCard. See above. Good benefits for having the card, but no need to use it anywhere once I got the bonus. Low fee ($49, waived first year) and like above, one free night per year on the anniversary.

9. Chase Amazon Prime Rewards Visa. Great card, all my Amazon shopping goes on it. 5% cash back on Amazon purchases as a Prime member. No annual fee.


10. Chase United Mileage Plus Explorer Visa. Great card; I fly United a lot. Gives me access to more award seats, free checked bag, boarding group 2 (so there's still overhead space). $95/year fee, waived the first year, 50,000 mile bonus.

11. American Express Delta SkyMiles Platinum. Just got it and the 70,000 Delta miles that came with it. $195 annual fee. We loves us some flyin'!

12. Discover It. This card has rotating quarterly 5% cashback for various categories like gasoline, Amazon, and groceries- stuff I can get better returns on with the cards in my wallet. I don't have time to fool with that. Might be a good deal if you can find a 0% offer. Oh Lord Jesus, it's got no annual fee! 

What I don't have

A fox knows many things, but he doesn't know everything: these cards are blind spots for me.

1. Any Citibank cards. I had a Citi no-fee Hilton card, but their contract with Hilton ended and now Amex has all the Hilton cards. Citi has superior extended warranty protection over other card issuers. They extend an item's warranty two years, vs. the standard one year. In 2009, the first HDTV I owned quit working a few months after the warranty expired and Mastercard covered the $400 repair under extended warranty coverage. Citi also have the Citi ThankYou Premier card to compete with Amex Platinum and Chase Sapphire Reserve.

2. Any Capital One cards. I don't know much about these, but every offer I see doesn't impress me. They're spending their money paying Elektra and Ezekiel 25:17 guy to ask the question that is the title of this post.

3. Amex Starwood Points Group Card. I want this one, but I'm waiting for the sign-up bonus to go up. Currently it's 25,000 but it's been 35,000 in the past.

4. There might be something really cool that I don't even know about. Let me know in the comments if there's a card you love. A good fox is always willing to learn!

"What's in YO wallet, mutha.....?"

Every Rose Has its Thorn: Downsides

I've tried to lay out the positives of the Credit Card Game. However, as Poison knows, every rose has its thorn. There are a few things to remember before diving in:

1. You have to pay them off every month. If you are late even one day on the payment, you're looking at 15-25% annual interest. 

So: PAY. THEM. OFF.  If there's any possibility you won't be able to pay the bill off monthly, don't get them.

2. Frequent credit checks and new accounts will slightly reduce your credit score. The credit bureaus use an opaque formula so it's not exact, but if you start out with a 700+ credit score, you'll be fine. By the way, every year you can get a credit report for free from each of the three main credit bureaus, by law, at www.annualcreditreport.com. Many credit card companies also offer free credit scores and reports.

3. Chase's "5/24 rule": if you've opened five new credit cards (from any issuer, not just Chase) in the past 24 months, Chase won't approve you for a new card. Some Chase cards don't count toward 5/24; details here: Implied task: get your Chase cards first.

4. It is a bit of work. As I've written before, I treat it as a side job: I spend a few minutes daily checking my balances and ensuring I schedule payments on 5-8 cards at any given time (the rest are in a drawer). In exchange, I get tangibly valuable things like hotel rooms, free flights, and cash back. I read about people using spreadsheets and online services to track all their card, and I don't understand this because you should only have 3-4 cards in regular use (more on this in the future). All that said, for some people it might be a hassle, or even a source of stress. So if it seems that way to you, don't bother with it! Life is short. But if you're smart, you'll earn enough cash back to buy enough Aquanet to keep the entire Poison lineup's hair voluminous through every glorious night of the Monsters of Rock Arena Tour.

Although we both lie close together, we feel thousands of frequent flyer miles apart inside.

5. The Dave Ramsey philosophy ("I H8 DEBT"). I understand and respect that some people (including people I know and admire) want to pay cash for everything, pay off their house as quickly as possible, and cut up their credit cards . They get great peace of mind, perhaps because they've struggled with debt in the past or just want a stress-free life. We all have friends and family with debts that are kicking their butts. I look at debt as a tool, something you use to make life easier. I use my credit cards to make money (and the "work" part feels more like a game to me: I am, after all, a wannabe clever fox). I also recognize that I am blessed with better job security than most people in the modern economy.

6. If you plan to get the card, spend the minimum, get the points/miles, and then close the account, it will also slightly hurt your credit. A better option is a "product change": asking the issuer (e.g. Amex) to switch that account (and its credit history) to another one of their cards. The downside of that? No sign-up bonus.

Like a knife that cuts you, the credit score heals. But the scar, that scar will remain (it actually doesn't, now take it away with a guitar solo, C.C. DeVille!)

7. Every good card has an annual fee, ergo each card has a break-even point below which it isn't worth keeping. Don't fly often? Might not be worth the $95 annual fee on that airline credit card--after, of course, the first year when you get XX,000 miles for that $95.

I know I could've saved some cash that night if I'd've known what to say/ Instead of makin' love/ me and this credit card both made our separate ways. 

8. Devaluations. As everyone who blogs about this will tell you, miles and points are a bad long-term investment. Think Zimbabwe-style inflation. There's a big frenzy among credit card issuers to get people using their cards, and a virtual arms race to award more points and more miles. Airlines and hotels love it, because the credit card companies pay them for ephemeral points that they constantly devalue by raising award redemption rates and adding restrictions. And you though Bitcoin was built on sand! For example, until February 2017, I could get rooms at nice Hilton properties for $40+8,000 points. When Hilton "improved" their program, the same room was about $60+15,000 points. So overnight, Hilton points were worth about half what they were before. This is known as a "stealth devaluation." Hilton makes Ben Bernanke look like a piker with his quantitative easing. Lesson learned: if your loyalty program emails you to tell you about "exciting new improvements," run like hell, spend the points, and make love to the first person you see because the world's ending!

So what does this mean to me, Fox? 

Get each card with a specific goal in mind, such as: "I am going to fly myself and my three older children to Europe this summer." This is actually my goal. I'll use my United miles, transfer Chase Ultimate Rewards into more United miles, and only pay the taxes on each flight.

Bottom line: know what you're getting into, and don't be like every cowboy who sings a sad, sad song. To hear that would tear me up inside. Can you think of any other downsides? Got questions? Feel free to email me or comment below. Rock on!

My actual tattoo. If you haven't seen it, you don't know me well enough.

Fun digression: this was the first song I learned to play on guitar, not to mention a middle school dance staple.

The Credit Card Game, Hotel Edition: So I Stayed in Hotels!

As I mentioned before, from 2015-17 I was a geographical bachelor, which is essentially like prison without the sodomy, and with occasional weekend furloughs that would make Michael Dukakis proud (if you get that joke, congratulations! You're old).

It's hard to be broad and give generalized advice about the Credit Card Game (and its antecedents the Points Game, the Status Game, and the Lounge Game), so today I'll just explain how I stumbled into it at the peak of its Golden Age (which continues today!)

I had to serve two years as a geo bachelor, 2.5 hours from my home and family. For the first year, I rented a room in a townhouse that contained two other guys. The Craigslist ad said that a maid service came once a month to clean the whole house, which sounded good to me. I didn't realize that in the 30 days between maid visits, nobody cleaned the common areas (ergo sticky countertops, a sticky kitchen table, and a sticky hall toilet seat) but overall it was fine, I met some nice people, and I got to spend time with family and old friends.

I wasn't up for a second year of that rented room, though: too depressing. In the fall of 2016, I had the opportunity to complete an Army school a little closer to home, so I took it. That left me with six months to work at that assignment.

J. Mark Davison slept here

So I stayed in hotels! I worked Monday-Thursday (plus one weekend a month) and I took leave every Friday. That meant three nights a week, I needed a hotel room. I used Hilton points, IHG points, Marriott Points, Chase Ultimate Rewards Points, a few AirBNBs, and occasionally cash if there was a good deal (remember this: sometimes it's wiser to save your points and pay cash). I also took the commuter train to visit my parents, so one night per week I was a 40-year-old living in my parents' basement.

Some people kindly offered their spare room, but I also like sitting around in my underwear and doing my own thing. Besides, I like staying in hotels.

When I ran low on Hilton points, I got the American Express Hilton Ascend Card, which comes with a 80,000-point bonus after spending the standard $3,000 in the first three months: these points are good for about 3-4 free nights. When I got low on IHG points, I got the Chase IHG Rewards Mastercard and its 70,000-point bonus, also good for about 5 free nights. I never really had any Marriott Points, so I got the Chase Marriott Rewards Visa, good for 80,000 Marriott points: a relative deal that can get you 6-8 nights. I got the now-defunct Citibank Hilton card for another 70,000 Hilton points.

A word on bonuses: they fluctuate. The IHG card's bonus is currently 60k, for example. Watch them and when they go up, apply! Also, I include referral links in some of these cards that get me bonus points if you get the card through my link (Marriott and the two I mention below are referral links, the rest don't currently offer me a bonus, damn them!).

In addition to sign-up bonuses and additional points that I earned through spending on the cards (in the past year, three sets of braces have helped me meet the $3,000 minimum spending requirement) and hotel points earned on occasional work trips, I signed up for promotions and followed the incentives. Hotels give you bonus points for every "stay" (a check-in plus a check-out regardless of length of stay), so I stayed one night everywhere. I carried my small roller bag in one evening, out the next morning, and stayed somewhere else the next night.

INTERLUDE: how did I learn all this? I must give credit to The Points Guy, an excellent, informative, broad-ranging but somewhat commercialized site. There are many points/miles blogs and sites but I learned the most from the Points Guy. He's so famous, he recently got to be on Megyn Kelly's show (which reminds me of one of my go-to prayers: Lord, keep me anonymous and middle class).

Additionally, I had already signed up for the Chase Sapphire Reserve, a hot new product in 2016 that I discuss here and will talk more about in a later post, and gotten 100,000 flexible points that can be traded for other air/hotel points or used as cash through the Chase portal. Those paid for a few flights and a few hotels. It's similar to the American Express Platinum which I discuss here.

So: hotel cards. Get some. In addition to the cards I have, other hotel groups like Carlson, Best Western, Wyndham, Hyatt and Starwood (recently acquired by Marriott) offer cards, but as far as number of locations nationwide, Hilton, Marriott, and IHG (Holiday Inn) are the biggest. Any of these cards will get you through this summer's family vacation for free, but it takes a couple months to spend the money and get the points, so get them soon.

Hotel cards have other benefits: some carry trip insurance, some give you a free night after a year, all earn extra points when you use them to pay at that corporation's hotels, and some confer an extra level of status.

But which hotel card should I get? If you want free nights, the Marriott card is best. If you're going overseas, the IHG card is best. But overall, the best card for the money (fees are all $75-95) is the  Amex Hilton Ascend. It confers Hilton Gold status, which gets you free breakfast in their mid- to high-end chains like Hilton Garden Inn. In addition to a good free breakfast (think salmon with capers, mmm)  you can Executive Floor/ Lounge access in Hilton's business-oriented properties, like DoubleTree and Hilton.  These generally feature cappuccino machines (yesss!) and evening receptions with free drinks and h'ors d'oevres: eat enough of them French-sounding things and they become "dinner." I have eaten a few annual fees' worth of free h'ors d'oevre dinners in the past two years.

One thing you probably won't see in the Executive Lounge? Some slovenly schmuck wearing pajama bottoms and flip flops (or worse, bare feet) to the breakfast buffet, Hampton Inn style. I know it sounds snobbish, but it's a pet peeve. I'm like the proverbial Cat Lady of pet peeves; I have more than a sensible number of them. I'll write about them soon.

So what did I learn in all those hotels? There's no place like home. My favorite is the DoubleTree Dulles in Sterling, VA. Exec Lounge, cappuccino machine, nice people, and always an outlet for plugging in my Prius (another game I play). And the room doors are engineered to close quietly. Honorable mention goes to the Hilton Springfield, with its awesome breakfast, professional staff and walking distance to the Springfield Mall as well as the middle-aged dad's mainstay, Barnes & Noble. My least favorite? It rhymes with FoamWood Treats in Springfield, VA: its parking garage and its buffets are shambolic, and I once stumbled upon three guys smoking pot from a hookah on the grounds, like I was in frickin' Marrakesh. TripAdvisor even refused to publish my review, just like the poor women who got drugged and raped at Mexican resorts (I canceled my TripAdvisor account; you should too).

Until next time, cheers from my own Executive Lounge! 

Stuff that Makes Me Laugh

Do you like sports, remember the 1990s, have twenty minutes, and want to laugh uprariously? Dig this clip of Norm MacDonald's ESPYs monologue.

The best comedians asked to host awards shows are the ones who ensure they won't be invited back. Before Ricky Gervais meanly and deservedly skewered the self-important people who make millions pretending to be other people in films and television, Norm skewered the self-important tuxedo-clad people who make millions playing kids' games. And they weren't 10% as douchey and self-important as present-day athletes! Except O.J. Simpson, of course.

If you like Norm-- and he's an acquired taste beloved by "big time" comedians-- dig this ridiculous joke which had Conan in stitches.

How to Get in The Lounge

I travel a fair amount for work, enough that I want to be comfortable doing it. The best way to be comfortable is to not travel: stay home, and make your home relaxing and peaceful.

The best hotel room is not as nice as my own bed at home. I sleep worse and wake up earlier. Sometimes my middle-aged bladder is to blame, but generally it's from not being home. The thing that's missing is knowing my beloved wife is sleeping beside me, the sound of our youngest son breathing on the baby monitor, and probably a dozen more factors of which I'm not conscious.

But you live in the world. You have to earn green paper rectangles and exchange those rectangles for food, shelter, and orthodontist bills. So you want to make travel as nice as possible. There are a few ways to travel well, depending on your personality. Regardless of your proclivities, however, the first order of business is airport lounge access.

Airport gates suck. They're full of people coughing, sneezing, and engaging In other unpleasant behaviors. The only quiet people are the ones who've decided it's socially acceptable and sanitary to sleep across a row of seats, or even better, the floor. Check out "Passenger Shaming" if you don't believe me, or if you just want to catch a glimpse of humanity at its worst but don't like to go to Wal Mart.

If you have an hour or more to wait, you should be in a lounge. You should also have an hour and a half or more to wait, because PreCheck saves you time. Get PreCheck. It's under $100 and reimbursable with several of the premium cards we're about to discuss. You don't have to take off your shoes and you don't have to wait while infrequent travelers- bless them- repeatedly set off alarms and delay the x ray scanner with their water bottles, pocket knives, all the while professing indignation at the poorly paid government employees who must occasionally pat down their dainty parts in an effort to make us all feel safe. 

I digress badly. Get a premium credit card. If you travel 5 or more times per year , get a couple. What you pay in annual fees, you'll get back in sign up bonuses, free meals, and intangible pleasures like seeing fewer people who wear flip flops and pajama bottoms to the airport. 

Which premium card is best? It depends. In which airports and on which airlines do you travel? If it's Delta, the American Express Platinum Card gets you in Delta SkyClubs as well as any of the 8 premium American Express Centurion Lounges at airports like DFW, IAH, and SFO. Are you in the military? I am, and Amex waives the annual fee for servicemembers on all its cards: they certainly earn the appellation "American" for that kind gesture. It's especially nice with the Platinum, which carries a $550 annual fee. 

Do you fly from or through Washington Dulles? I do, so I have the Chase Sapphire Reserve, which includes Priority Pass: a membership that allows you to access a network of airport lounges worldwide. There's spotty Priority Pass coverage in US airports, but Dulles has several nice lounges, the best of which is the delightful Turkish Airlines lounge. (In case you didn't catch the pun, they actually keep a plate of Turkish Delight at the check-in counter; I ate two pieces on my way out this past Thursday) Where most lounges offer light to heavy snacks to go with free booze, beverages, and coffee, the Turkish lounge serves a full buffet. 

We military folks have plenty of free options, too: most large airports have a USO lounge, staffed with volunteers who are often retirees and great conversationalists. Flying United? Your military ID and boarding pass get you in any United Club. Although I haven't personally tried it, American Airlines offers lounge access to servicemembers in uniform who are traveling on American. Friends tell me they've been welcomed in wearing civilian clothes, but the policy states that the benefit is for servicemembers in uniform. As all savvy travelers write, YMMV (your mileage may vary). 

(purpose-driven individuals may stop reading now, what follows is more digression)

It's a good time to be military and we should always express thanks to airline employees for their policies. I remember pre-9/11 when we were more likely to be thought of as the people who were too dumb to go to college. Despite the somewhat elitist mantra that fewer than 1% of the population has served, I make a point to ask everyone who says "thank you for your service" if they or anyone in their family has spent time in the military. Usually someone's dad or cousin or son or daughter did a tour somewhere. I say a silent prayer for that person and their loved ones.

Full disclosure, I also make it a point to not be out in uniform, because I generally like my milk-buying experience to last only a few minutes. In uniform I am public property and it takes longer. Plus I like to slouch, put my hands in my pockets, and do things one shouldn't do in uniform- like wear comfy driving moccasins on my 80-minute commute.

To my Karass, courtesy of Kurt Vonnegut: Writer and Philosopher

Several years ago I got way into Kurt Vonnegut. His writing style is original and in his humanity he often turns up terrific insights.

And listen to this: he invented a great word!

This word is karass. 

In Cat's Cradle, Vonnegut defines a karass thusly: 

“If you find your life tangled up with somebody else’s life for no very logical reasons,” writes Bokonon, “that person may be a member of your karass.”

 

His books are all easy reads. They have the appearance of being written on the first try, with no revision. In truth, Kurt probably crafted them painstakingly, editing and rewriting for hours and days and weeks. You can (and should) read Cat's Cradle at the link above.

I am part of many a karass. I am blessed with more friends than I deserve, thanks mostly to the military and the frequent personnel turnover that exposes one to many different people. You know who you are.

I'm also part of one duprass, which sincere but less imaginative people call soul mates. 

“Bokonon tells us, incidentally, that members of a duprass always die within a week of each other."

I appreciate you, friends, across the years and miles. I feel blessed to know you and I carry happy memories and lessons from each of you. Our lives are busy with families and jobs but you enrich me still. I pray for you and wish you health and happiness.

Introduction: The Stupid Games I Play

"A fox knows many things, but a hedgehog one important thing."

- Archilochus, Greek poet, ca. 600s BC

In the past 18 months I have spent over 200 nights in hotels, flown over 50,000 miles, and driven another 30,000. I have also opened 12 credit cards in that time. Along the way I became like Rain Man the fox, who knows many little things. I want to share the things I've learned for anyone who can use them.

I'm in the Army. When it was time to move to my next duty station, I became what is known as a "Geographical bachelor": in a situation where my new assignment was far enough from home that I needed a place to stay during the week. It also gave me free time I didn't previously have. 

I wasted 75% of that newfound free time by working late and watching (mostly dumb) TV shows and movies. However, I did begin what I initially thought of as a "stupid hobby." I started playing various games:

- The Credit Card Game

- The Free Nights Game

- The Lounge Game

- The Status Game

In all cases, those "stupid games" turned out to be second jobs, in that I put time into them and they returned useful, valuable financial rewards. I own two rental houses, and similarly, I think of the time I spend on those rentals as a second job: for x hours of work, I receive y dollars per month in rental income. 

What if I told you that you had a valuable asset that you aren't using to its fullest extent? Something that should be getting you useful and tangible financial returns and a more comfortable life with very little effort? 

It's your credit score.

My circle of friends consists mostly of current or former Army officers. They pay their bills, they're responsible with debt, and they have very high credit scores. They're also wasting incredible opportunities their credit score provides. If they have a credit card, they have one basic card from a certain auto insurance company-slash-bank which we all use but provides some services better than others.

The Credit Card Game makes the other games possible. If you're a responsible individual with good credit and no drug habit, you should have at least a few credit cards. Even if you don't travel much for work, you could get a free vacation every year. I'm talking flights, rental car, and hotels. And if you play the Lounge Game and the Status Game, you'll get free meals in airports away from the masses, free breakfast, and a nicer room with a two-pound bag of cocaine sitting on the bathroom sink. 

Kidding! I already told you that "no drug habit" was a prerequisite. No free cocaine for you. You can get two free water bottles, though, and those are way better for you.

Most of us like to hustle. We use our talents and skills to get ahead. We invest our assets so they'll grow. Your good credit is an asset. Use it.

There are downsides and ways to mess up, so be aware of them before you start playing the game. Read about them here.

Next post, I'll share how I started playing these games and how they've saved me a ton of money while providing me a hobby that's a smidgen more productive than scrolling through Facebook ads and getting annoyed by people with different political views. Emphasis on "slightly." Meanwhile, mentally prepare yourself to begin playing the Credit Card Game and all its companion games. And limber up! Stretch that back- we aren't getting any younger.