One would think the way to succeed at the Olympics is simple: to get a medal in one's event.
Au contraire!
The ways to win fame, endorsements, and television airtime, and the best practitioners of these methods are:
1. Be attractive (Lindsey Vonn).
Carrying on in the great tradition of Lolo Jones, Anna Kournikova and, Lindsey Vonn at previous Olympics, Lindsey is dazzling the viewing public with her glamorous looks, perfect teeth, and sixth-place finishes. She may not be on the podium, but she will surely be in People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People.
2. Be gay (Adam Rippon).
Rippon spent the Olympics winning hearts and bashing Vice President Pence- who Public Opinion definitely ranked as way less cooler than the North Korean dictator's sister. He finished tenth individually, but what an inspiration! As a contrast, Johnny Weir is also gay but works year-round as an analyst with Tara Lipinski because he's really good at what he does.
3. Wear traditional Tongan gear and no shirt during the Opening Ceremony (Lofa Tatupu).
That guy actually was pretty cool, and he didn't finish last in his event. Like!
So, apologies to the more accomplished but less attractive heterosexual Olympic athletes who didn't get prime time interviews with Savannah Guthrie.
Also, snowboarding isn't really an Olympic sport. It's just there so Americans will watch and so Americans can win medals. We really ought to field a football team in the Winter Games- that would be sure to increase ratings. As long as they didn't kneel during their Gold medal ceremony.t
Au contraire!
The ways to win fame, endorsements, and television airtime, and the best practitioners of these methods are:
1. Be attractive (Lindsey Vonn).
Carrying on in the great tradition of Lolo Jones, Anna Kournikova and, Lindsey Vonn at previous Olympics, Lindsey is dazzling the viewing public with her glamorous looks, perfect teeth, and sixth-place finishes. She may not be on the podium, but she will surely be in People Magazine's 50 Most Beautiful People.
2. Be gay (Adam Rippon).
Rippon spent the Olympics winning hearts and bashing Vice President Pence- who Public Opinion definitely ranked as way less cooler than the North Korean dictator's sister. He finished tenth individually, but what an inspiration! As a contrast, Johnny Weir is also gay but works year-round as an analyst with Tara Lipinski because he's really good at what he does.
3. Wear traditional Tongan gear and no shirt during the Opening Ceremony (Lofa Tatupu).
That guy actually was pretty cool, and he didn't finish last in his event. Like!
So, apologies to the more accomplished but less attractive heterosexual Olympic athletes who didn't get prime time interviews with Savannah Guthrie.
Also, snowboarding isn't really an Olympic sport. It's just there so Americans will watch and so Americans can win medals. We really ought to field a football team in the Winter Games- that would be sure to increase ratings. As long as they didn't kneel during their Gold medal ceremony.t
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